Hey Followers~
First, thanks so much for reading my intermittent ramblings.
My girls at work have finally convinced me to move over to Tumblr. They are all on it and swear that I will like it-write-enjoy-read MORE. So I'm going to quit posting on blogger and start over there. Here is the NEW blog address!! http://youandmeand5bucks.tumblr.com/
I'd love for you to follow my ramblings there, too!
Thanks!
Monday, April 13, 2009
Inappropriate much??
What is it about the internet that makes people believe they don't have to have manners, and can say ANYTHING to someone in a Myspace message that they would never DARE say to their face?
For example, I received two such messages in my inbox today. The first was from someone named Michael, who I don't believe I have ever met. (It's hard to know when he doesn't have a profile pic of himself and his page is set to private, but we will assume him to be a stranger) He began by sending me this email:
"Hey! How are you today? Can I ask you something a little off the wall?Michael"
To which I replied "sure". I've been asked similar questions numerous times before, and usually it would have been followed by something having to do with my job in radio. No problem, I'm happy to answer. Ah, but not from Sir Michael! Here is his question:
"I was just wondering if those sexy lips of yours were just for looks, or if you knew how to use them? ;-)"
Seriously????? Someone please show me how to bitch-slap a person over the internet because this guy deserves it in droves.
Email #2 seems a bit tame in comparison, yet still firmly rooted in inappropriate territory. This one comes from someone named "Very Negative" (insert jokes here). Although he is one up on Michael with a profile pic, he didn't have Michael's good manners to ask first if it was ok to ask an "off the wall" question...he just goes straight for it....
"Hey.
Are u interested in becoming friends with benefits?"
Again with the Seriously???? Sorry, Very Negative, but that would require actually becoming friends first. Don't hold your breath...
For example, I received two such messages in my inbox today. The first was from someone named Michael, who I don't believe I have ever met. (It's hard to know when he doesn't have a profile pic of himself and his page is set to private, but we will assume him to be a stranger) He began by sending me this email:
"Hey! How are you today? Can I ask you something a little off the wall?Michael"
To which I replied "sure". I've been asked similar questions numerous times before, and usually it would have been followed by something having to do with my job in radio. No problem, I'm happy to answer. Ah, but not from Sir Michael! Here is his question:
"I was just wondering if those sexy lips of yours were just for looks, or if you knew how to use them? ;-)"
Seriously????? Someone please show me how to bitch-slap a person over the internet because this guy deserves it in droves.
Email #2 seems a bit tame in comparison, yet still firmly rooted in inappropriate territory. This one comes from someone named "Very Negative" (insert jokes here). Although he is one up on Michael with a profile pic, he didn't have Michael's good manners to ask first if it was ok to ask an "off the wall" question...he just goes straight for it....
"Hey.
Are u interested in becoming friends with benefits?"
Again with the Seriously???? Sorry, Very Negative, but that would require actually becoming friends first. Don't hold your breath...
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Culture Shock-a-roonie!
My friend, Matt Stillwell, was playing a show in NC this week, and since the times he plays nearby are few and far between, ya have to take advantage of the opportunity when it arises. So my girl, Dianna, and I decide to jump in the car on a Saturday night and head to Union Grove, NC. (Where? yeah, really) It's about 45 mins west & south of Winston-Salem, just off I-77. We find out that Matt's playing an "outdoor festival" with 2 other bands, so we think, live music...cold beer...parking lot party...how bad can it be? We came out with too many stories not to share!!
It starts with getting off the exit and looking for the bar - we pass a truck-stop with a lot of cars and people milling around..."wonder what's going on over there?" "OH! That's the bar!!" At the gate, we tell the woman we are on Matt's guestlist - 3 people standing there say "oh, you're the one!" Uh, the one what?? Anyway, there's nothing really happening in the parking lot yet, so we head inside. Obviously they are not used to strangers in them there parts, cuz every head turned to look at us. We sit at the bar and Dianna sees a case of drinks behind the bar called "Johnny Bootlegger" she says "WTF" and decides to try one - it's a glowing green apple concoction that is 12% alcohol (not exactly sure what the other 88% was - quite possibly apple-flavored antifreeze). During this time at the bar, she also meets a guy from one of the other bands who really wanted to be her "friend" even though she was clear that she had a boyfriend (he was going for the "with benefits", but she was having none of that).
Then a woman comes up behind Dianna and asks if she is married. When Dianna turns with a shocked look on her face (she snuck up behind, for goodness sakes) the woman says, "oh, I ain't no pu**y-licker, my friend just likes you and is too scared to talk to you" Um, why do some women feel the need to qualify that?? We didn't have a fragment of thought that you were a PL until you said it like that! Her cowardly buddy was wearing a shirt that said "genius" - I believe he thought it was opposite day.
The guys finally show up, and we hear a story about one of the girls who works there - apparently the night before a fight broke out and she went after 2 guys and a girl with a 4x8. In most places I'm familar with, that would be grounds for arrest, or at the very least, suspension from your job. Not at Double D's in Union Grove! I think they are waiting on the plaque to be engraved in her honor. I just spent the evening making sure I did nothing to piss her off.
While the band is getting ready, Dianna and I make a new friend, Connie. She asks if we are with the band and we say yes, they are our friends. She says, "I like that Beer in the Cooler song they do" I told her it was called "Shine". We proceeded to have this same conversation at least 3 more times that night.
Outside, the band is starting up, and the fun people-watching is just beginning! We head out and hang off to the side - it wasn't really crowded unfortunately, b/c it was kinda cold. Connie is up front dancing by herself and waves us over, but we decide to continue enjoying the band from our spot. Numerous times thru the night she attempts and fails this same venture, and we felt like the bad friends who leave their crazy buddy dancing up front while they ignore her. Except we'd never met her before in our lives. And in between this she keeps pointing at me and pointing at Matt, like she's trying to hook us up or something. Thanks Connie! I think we got this!
There were the "Ambush Solid Gold Dancers" who would come up onstage from behind Matt (obviously he never knew they were coming) and start the bump and grind. That made for many fun surprised facial expressions (and more than one "whoa!") Our favorite was Debbie...she of the 1980's pegged jeans & Harley sweatshirt, plus bleach blonde hairdo with bangs all-the-way-back-to-there. She had to be removed from the stage. Security!
There was "Mr. High and Tight", with his jeans pulled up too high and at least a size or 5 too small. He was quite the ladies' man on the dancefloor/gravel parking lot...
And our favorite, the older woman (50's? 60's? HARD 40's? who knows...) with the black hair half-pulled up in a white scrunchie. We noticed her cuz she was doing that older-redneck woman dance...you know the one - dancing to every song she's never heard and not even close to the beat. But halfway thru it got even better...she took off her long jacket, and she had very obviously peed her pants! There's no denying those long half-ovals on either side of the inside of her thighs, front and back. And she never stopped dancing.
The night wrapped up inside as we hung with the guys and ate pizza, swapped stories, laughed hysterically at "midget hands" (sorry but it's funny!) and took pictures next to the man sleeping soundly at the bar. What a night!
Thanks to Double D's, our BEST friend Connie, Debbie of the rad bangs, the ambush solid gold dancers, the pee-pee dancing woman, Genius & his matchmaker, Mr. High & tight, the gossip girls, the "friendwithbenefits" guy, Miss 4x8, and of course Dianna, Matt & the boys. You just can't make this stuff up...
It starts with getting off the exit and looking for the bar - we pass a truck-stop with a lot of cars and people milling around..."wonder what's going on over there?" "OH! That's the bar!!" At the gate, we tell the woman we are on Matt's guestlist - 3 people standing there say "oh, you're the one!" Uh, the one what?? Anyway, there's nothing really happening in the parking lot yet, so we head inside. Obviously they are not used to strangers in them there parts, cuz every head turned to look at us. We sit at the bar and Dianna sees a case of drinks behind the bar called "Johnny Bootlegger" she says "WTF" and decides to try one - it's a glowing green apple concoction that is 12% alcohol (not exactly sure what the other 88% was - quite possibly apple-flavored antifreeze). During this time at the bar, she also meets a guy from one of the other bands who really wanted to be her "friend" even though she was clear that she had a boyfriend (he was going for the "with benefits", but she was having none of that).
Then a woman comes up behind Dianna and asks if she is married. When Dianna turns with a shocked look on her face (she snuck up behind, for goodness sakes) the woman says, "oh, I ain't no pu**y-licker, my friend just likes you and is too scared to talk to you" Um, why do some women feel the need to qualify that?? We didn't have a fragment of thought that you were a PL until you said it like that! Her cowardly buddy was wearing a shirt that said "genius" - I believe he thought it was opposite day.
The guys finally show up, and we hear a story about one of the girls who works there - apparently the night before a fight broke out and she went after 2 guys and a girl with a 4x8. In most places I'm familar with, that would be grounds for arrest, or at the very least, suspension from your job. Not at Double D's in Union Grove! I think they are waiting on the plaque to be engraved in her honor. I just spent the evening making sure I did nothing to piss her off.
While the band is getting ready, Dianna and I make a new friend, Connie. She asks if we are with the band and we say yes, they are our friends. She says, "I like that Beer in the Cooler song they do" I told her it was called "Shine". We proceeded to have this same conversation at least 3 more times that night.
Outside, the band is starting up, and the fun people-watching is just beginning! We head out and hang off to the side - it wasn't really crowded unfortunately, b/c it was kinda cold. Connie is up front dancing by herself and waves us over, but we decide to continue enjoying the band from our spot. Numerous times thru the night she attempts and fails this same venture, and we felt like the bad friends who leave their crazy buddy dancing up front while they ignore her. Except we'd never met her before in our lives. And in between this she keeps pointing at me and pointing at Matt, like she's trying to hook us up or something. Thanks Connie! I think we got this!
There were the "Ambush Solid Gold Dancers" who would come up onstage from behind Matt (obviously he never knew they were coming) and start the bump and grind. That made for many fun surprised facial expressions (and more than one "whoa!") Our favorite was Debbie...she of the 1980's pegged jeans & Harley sweatshirt, plus bleach blonde hairdo with bangs all-the-way-back-to-there. She had to be removed from the stage. Security!
There was "Mr. High and Tight", with his jeans pulled up too high and at least a size or 5 too small. He was quite the ladies' man on the dancefloor/gravel parking lot...
And our favorite, the older woman (50's? 60's? HARD 40's? who knows...) with the black hair half-pulled up in a white scrunchie. We noticed her cuz she was doing that older-redneck woman dance...you know the one - dancing to every song she's never heard and not even close to the beat. But halfway thru it got even better...she took off her long jacket, and she had very obviously peed her pants! There's no denying those long half-ovals on either side of the inside of her thighs, front and back. And she never stopped dancing.
The night wrapped up inside as we hung with the guys and ate pizza, swapped stories, laughed hysterically at "midget hands" (sorry but it's funny!) and took pictures next to the man sleeping soundly at the bar. What a night!
Thanks to Double D's, our BEST friend Connie, Debbie of the rad bangs, the ambush solid gold dancers, the pee-pee dancing woman, Genius & his matchmaker, Mr. High & tight, the gossip girls, the "friendwithbenefits" guy, Miss 4x8, and of course Dianna, Matt & the boys. You just can't make this stuff up...
Friday, April 10, 2009
Rowr....
Was it just a crazy coincidence that I happened to be handed the copy to read today for the new "TV Land Prime" reality dating show, Cougar?!?!?
"One sexy older woman, 20 younger men..."
Too funny...
"One sexy older woman, 20 younger men..."
Too funny...
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Thought for the day....
“ Some birds mate for life. There’s no divorce in the aviary world, apparently. I think that’s why they fly into windows, it’s the only way out. ”
Robin Fairbanks, improvisational comic (via peerintomywindow via applebloggingjeans)
Robin Fairbanks, improvisational comic (via peerintomywindow via applebloggingjeans)
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Do turtles really make that noise??
OMG!! Thanks Jen! Once again proving truth is stranger than fiction...you just can't make up the wonders in Nature. Poor little tennis shoe...
Friday, March 13, 2009
Jealous...table for one
So, as many of you know, I LOVE America's Next Top Model. (This exchange sound familiar? "You take such good pictures!" "Thanks! I watch way too much America's Next Top Model" Yeah, I thought so)
Yes, I must admit to a bit of "envy" that pops out when I see skinny-minny tall 20-somethings that aren't even the "OMGshessohot" typical girl on the street transform into a supermodel with the expertise of Tyra, Mr. Jay, Miss Jay, Nigel (drool), and the judgeofthecycle. But I've always rationalized it with the fact that these type of things weren't available to me when I was that age. Surely they would have made me into a supermodel too if I had had that opportunity. (and they somehow stretched me three inches taller, but whatever)
But Cycle 12 has brought about a different type of envy...the green monster of jealousy has reared it's ugly head in a way completely unforeseen in Cycles 2-11 (I missed Cycle 1 - thankfully b/c that Adrienne girl is a tramp, but I digress) because of one particular girl....KOURTNIE
See, if you are not a watcher of ANTM...here's the process: on the premiere, they bring about 36 girls to LA/NYC and put them thru a photoshoot/interview process, then narrow it down to the top 13, who one-by-one get eliminated each week until the last one standing. In the interview, they usually highlight the quirky/unusual/different thing about a girl that makes them stand out. So...the girls are coming in for their interviews, and of course they are all BEAUTIFUL or they wouldn't be there - duh. There's a weird-looking girl with BIG eyes, a girl with burn scars, crazy girl that dances, etc. Kourtnie walks in and she is very pretty...what makes her stand out? Tyra says, "so I hear you used to date someone famous?" (here I'm thinking guy in Coldplay, Seth Green, whatever) Kourtnie answers, "Yes, DALE EARNHARDT JR.!?!?! and they showed a pic of them together. AAAAAAACK!!!!!
I mean SERIOUSLY??? She gets to date DALE EARNHARDT JR. and be on America's Next Top Model?????? Is there no justice in the world?????
Some girls get all, NO I mean ALL the luck.
Sorry Kourtnie...you may be the nicest girl on the planet...But I hate you.
(*side note: her dating of the DEJr. was approx. 2 yrs ago, and she's only 24 NOW. He is 34...it's ok to throw up in your mouth a little)
Yes, I must admit to a bit of "envy" that pops out when I see skinny-minny tall 20-somethings that aren't even the "OMGshessohot" typical girl on the street transform into a supermodel with the expertise of Tyra, Mr. Jay, Miss Jay, Nigel (drool), and the judgeofthecycle. But I've always rationalized it with the fact that these type of things weren't available to me when I was that age. Surely they would have made me into a supermodel too if I had had that opportunity. (and they somehow stretched me three inches taller, but whatever)
But Cycle 12 has brought about a different type of envy...the green monster of jealousy has reared it's ugly head in a way completely unforeseen in Cycles 2-11 (I missed Cycle 1 - thankfully b/c that Adrienne girl is a tramp, but I digress) because of one particular girl....KOURTNIE
See, if you are not a watcher of ANTM...here's the process: on the premiere, they bring about 36 girls to LA/NYC and put them thru a photoshoot/interview process, then narrow it down to the top 13, who one-by-one get eliminated each week until the last one standing. In the interview, they usually highlight the quirky/unusual/different thing about a girl that makes them stand out. So...the girls are coming in for their interviews, and of course they are all BEAUTIFUL or they wouldn't be there - duh. There's a weird-looking girl with BIG eyes, a girl with burn scars, crazy girl that dances, etc. Kourtnie walks in and she is very pretty...what makes her stand out? Tyra says, "so I hear you used to date someone famous?" (here I'm thinking guy in Coldplay, Seth Green, whatever) Kourtnie answers, "Yes, DALE EARNHARDT JR.!?!?! and they showed a pic of them together. AAAAAAACK!!!!!
I mean SERIOUSLY??? She gets to date DALE EARNHARDT JR. and be on America's Next Top Model?????? Is there no justice in the world?????
Some girls get all, NO I mean ALL the luck.
Sorry Kourtnie...you may be the nicest girl on the planet...But I hate you.
(*side note: her dating of the DEJr. was approx. 2 yrs ago, and she's only 24 NOW. He is 34...it's ok to throw up in your mouth a little)
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